I think that there are several interesting and probably equally valid ways to think about New Year's resolutions. I've read recently that they are a way to make one feel better about their personal disappointments or failures in the past year. There is the common sentiment that New Year's resolutions only last a week to a month before the resolute fall into previous habits that demolish their good intentions. I also recently read that a great way to look at New Year’s resolutions is to set a lot of them as a guideline for things you’d like to incorporate into your life and set up small changes that might lead you to accomplish some of your goals. While I find all of these thoughts pretty intriguing, I like the last one. You see, recently I’ve been doing some work that leads me to believe that the expectations for ourselves, for many of us I should say, are so drastically different from the reality we live, that we are almost certain to fail to achieve the expectation. And so year after year, we either laugh at resolutions or set them religiously to deal with shattered expectations. So for me, I intend to adapt the list of resolutions with no expectation that all of them will be realized. And I’m putting it out there into the world hoping that my goal of making small changes toward the achievements I would like to make will be easier if people know what I’m working on.
1) Learn to relax—Hopefully my approach to this year’s resolutions is a start. I am high strung about EVERYTHING. I’m almost always excruciatingly tense, both physically and mentally, and so far, it hasn’t done me any great favors. If I can make strides in this area I imagine it will help me accomplish the following goals:
a. Get more sleep
b. Get along better with others, specifically my immediate family and my co-workers
c. Reduce picking (I pick. At everything. It is uber OCD style stuff that needs to stop.)
d. STOP multi-tasking and live in the moment, in other words, concentrate on one thing at one time. Multi-tasking making one more productive is a myth when you deconstruct specific instances. But that is a post for another time.
How will I accomplish this? By reminding myself that it is impossible, and frankly inefficient, for me to control everything and everybody. Other people, well some other people, are capable, and if they’re not, it isn’t my problem to solve, it is theirs. And second, I must accept that the things that are out of my control are as they are, and just let those things, events, etc. run their course without feeling some personal fault. And last, I have to stop speculating and horibilizing (a term I owe to my mother), about the future and the present. This amounts to doing my best to not believe or imagine the worst case scenario as the likely result.
2) Do better at living healthy—This one addresses my overeating problem, my lack of motivation to participate in physical activity and my food choices. I envision this one to help me achieve these important objectives:a. Feel, well, better. I feel like junk A LOT of the time. It is no fun.
b. Increase confidence and self esteem. ‘Nough said.
c. Set a good example for the people I love who are also suffering whether they know it or not.
I will work toward these ends by becoming more self aware about what I am doing in the moment. A lot of habits are things we do mindlessly. If you actually catch yourself before you make the choice to engage in the habit, you can think about the result and make an informed decision about whether or not the activity is going to make you feel better ultimately, not for just a moment. Then you simply have to make an alternative choice that you believe will make you feel better long term.
3) Address my financial, aheem, issues—I don’t even know where to start on this one. I’m a flipping shop-a-holic to the umpteenth degree. Spend less, maybe? Sell some stuff? Address my needs vs. my wants? I guess a combination of these will help me ultimately hit these targets:
a. Decrease my gianormous debt.
b. Simplify my life by not accumulating so much stuff I end up on the TV series Hoarders.
c. Venture back into the scary world of real estate which I do miss in many, many ways.
I will start by, gulp, unsubscribing to half (or more?) of the flipping emails I get which call to me like sirens with promises of bargains on designer merchandise. Be more careful about my purchases making sure I look at price tags, ask myself how I’ll use the item and how often, as well as if I need it vs. just want it to hang in my closet with the tags still attached for a few months. Perhaps I might even get super assertive and have that yard sale I've been considering at some point. The bonus of many of these actions is that they will lead nicely into the next.
4) Spend less time online and other media and more out in the world—Not that there isn't some high quality time to be spent online. I’m talking about the fluffy stuff, specifically online shopping which I do like, 2 hours per night. I know, it is sad. If I can do this it will help me with these aspirations:
a. Spend more quality time with my family—our time together now sometimes feels like a chore. We could be enjoying each other and building so much more enriching relationships.
b. Write more—I like facebook but I should spend more time blogging because it is therapeutic and will hopefully lead me to writing more of what I really want to be writing.
c. Accomplish more around the house and get (and stay) organized and clean this dump up.
As mentioned, the unsubscribing should help me with these aims along with setting aside specific time as well as a limit on time spent online and with the TV on should help with this one. Another way I might delve into controlling the online beastie is to either shut off my phone or leave it behind more often. I lived without at one time I bet I could do it again. The other thing is to make sure I realize that procrastinating around the house is only making it worse and is not adding to my relaxation goal. It takes a minute to address messes as they happen and a weekend to address what didn't get taken care of when it happened. I also want my son to feel like I’m involved in his life. Recently he has told me a few times to put the ‘puter away. You’re right, little man, you’re right.
Well kids, brevity didn’t make the list this year. I guess there is always 2013. I hope everyone is resolute that this will be a great year and that our collective achievements make our homes, our workplaces and our world more relaxed, healthier, economically stable and a genuinely (as opposed to a virtually) better world.
